Surviving Online Hate: Keeping a Healthy Distance from Homophobia
Written by Joyo Smit
Thumbnail & Banner Photo by Daria Nepriakhina
The internet can be a great way to share ideas and listen to diverse opinions. Many genuine conversations can occur about how to make the world better. However, some people are unwilling to listen and may hold opinions that are harmful. For minorities and discriminated groups, it can be overwhelming to face such vast amounts of hatred and misunderstanding and come out unscathed on the other side. LGBTQ+ people may face religious groups, transphobic politics, slurs in video game chats, and even queer people that reject some parts of their own community (such as GAG). So what is the right approach? Should all ignorance go unchallenged, or is it the responsibility of queer people to oppose each hateful comment on the internet? I believe the healthiest avenue is somewhere in the middle.
First, it is important to know when a genuine conversation is possible. If a person makes a comment online that they do not know has homophobic connotations, like saying “But he doesn’t look gay!”, they may be open to being corrected. This is especially true if the person in question is trying to be progressive but does not have much information or has grown up in a place of privilege. For example, straight men may be used to gay jokes but not recognize that they can be homophobic. On the contrary, if someone says something blatantly hateful, like “God hates gays”, they are probably not open to discussion. It can be difficult to distinguish when a person is hateful versus when they are ignorant. One common sign is that the discussion is very emotionally charged and leans towards lashing out rather than asking questions or trying to understand. During these types of confrontations, they likely cannot be reasoned with. In confrontations like these, it is safest to take a step back.
Secondly, it is important to consider your own mental health state before engaging in these types of discussions. If a queer person is burnt out from constantly engaging with homophobic people, it is best to step away. Algorithms on platforms like Instagram and TikTok pay close attention to what videos you watch and comment on. Videos similar to those you interact with are prioritized in your feed, keeping you engaged on the app longer. If a queer person is trying to refute lots of homophobic comments, their feed may end up being just homophobic content. This can create a constant loop of online content that is exhausting to interact with. In times like this, it can be helpful to find online communities that are safe and supportive to fall back on and recharge. Following queer and ally creators not only grows safe spaces for LGBTQ+ users, but also advances queer rights by giving these creators a platform to speak, be heard, and be themselves. A few of my go-to creators include Matt Bernstein, Mercury Stardust, and D’Angelo Wallace. Each of these creates welcoming environments for LGBTQ+ individuals as well as using their platforms to advocate for queer rights.
Feeling like it is your sole responsibility to challenge hate can be overwhelming. However, queer people are not the only ones fighting for LGBTQ+ rights and acceptance. Allies continue to be a big part of the movement, challenging people in their own circles and pushing for change. After all, queerphobia does not only negatively impact queer people. The standards of heteronormativity can be oppressive to anyone. Men may want to wear pink or receive flowers from their girlfriends, and women may want to wear a suit at their wedding or be the breadwinner in the relationship. These kinds of behaviors are against the heteronormative status quo and may cause upset, even if they are done by people who are heterosexual. Queer people are not alone in this fight!
It is also worth noting that there are more types of protest than direct confrontation. Being your true self is one of the best ways to push back against queerphobia. It takes away power from those who try to undermine our experiences by refusing to be shunned or bullied into meeting societal expectations. It also encourages other LGBTQ+ folk to do the same. Engaging in EDIA discussions both in education and at workplaces keeps the needs of minorities at the forefront, discouraging any kind of mistreatment. Using your political rights to vote, talk to your representatives, and protest can also make a difference. After all, Canada is a democracy, and the issues you feel are important should be acknowledged. This is not to say that direct confrontation has no worth. However, if you are not in a healthy mindset, it may be best to focus on other forms of protest that equally help progress queer rights.
Homophobia online can be difficult to navigate. People may be entrenched in their beliefs and refuse to budge. However, there can be times when pushback can create positive change, even if it only educates those on the sidelines and not the culprit. By being aware of safety, attitude, and mental health, queer rights advocates can make a positive difference without sacrificing their wellbeing.