Speaking Love to Male Bodies: A Discussion

Written by Meltem Cana Etiz (@meltemcanaetiz)

In North America, we have made exceptional headway in the "body positivity" movement by accepting and utilizing feminist beliefs around the concepts of diversity, beauty, and individual value based on external features. We are gradually moving away from Eurocentric, commercialized beauty ideals and beginning to understand that attractiveness and self-esteem do not, and should not, subscribe to a rubric. Beauty is centred in our souls. 

Progression of female body positivity has also started to shine a light on the incidence of male-identifying individuals who are struggling with not only their perceptions of themselves but also with the attitudes of those around them. Boys, men and otherwise masculine individuals are struggling with and obsessing over weight loss and gain, height, hair loss, dysmorphia relating to genitals and other insecurities relating to their appearance. 

As womxn, we are starting to recognize that we are valuable and beautiful regardless of our size, shape, skin colour, biological sex, body hair, and many other superficial aspects. The focus is shifting from looking "good" to feeling fulfilled. We have established that we create standards for our own bodies, and no one else's. Please make no mistake; this shift is not organic but intentional in our day to day lives. We correct, empathize, champion, and protect each other in our conversations and actions. 

We verbally and explicitly express admiration, respect, intimacy and even envy toward each other in many of our interactions. A fantastic achievement of intersectional feminism, this behaviour is one we should keep working on as we extend it to the men in our lives and communities.

Photo by Andrew “Donovan” Valdivia (Unsplashed.com)

As an example, we can look at the "changing room (or locker room) syndrome," which is the pathological comparison of self to others, generally pertaining to body image. The name originates from an environment that cultivates comparative behaviour. 

According to Castonguay et al., 90% of men are dissatisfied with their bodies in one way or another. This is generally driven by the tendency to compare oneself to fitness influencers and thinking that looking "jacked" is the primary pathway to fulfillment. These can cause, among others, the internalization of rejection based on external factors and the development of eating disorders. These thought processes may also cultivate rageful, unforgiving attitudes toward the world, starting with oneself. 

Dr. Alessandro Littara (director of the Centre for Sexual Medicine in Milan) notes the syndrome's role in the increase in penile enhancement surgeries in the past decade— although these factors are not limited to dissatisfaction with one's penis size and function.

Studies conducted by the University of Sydney showed that men are four times more likely to be underdiagnosed with eating disorders— despite males making up 25% of bulimia and anorexia nervosa cases. Being subjected to jokes, comments, and expectations regarding their bodies does not appear to be helping. This begs us to address why it is still acceptable to make fun of a small penis or a short man when we observe the damage that follows. 

 Daniel Abar, M.Ed, is a counsellor and facilitator of Man|Made at the Saint Mary's University Counselling Centre, who kindly took the time to answer some questions and comment on the subject.

 "Man|Made is an informal group for male-identified students [to] sit in a safe space and discuss some of the pressures they experience from their peers and themselves and redefine what being a man looks like [...]. A message that to be a male or masculine does not require meeting certain standards." - Daniel Abar

Mel: According to your observations, do you find that people make an effort to include male body image issues when discussing body positivity in day to day conversations? 

Daniel: In my experience with group participants and my counselling role, this is not a commonly discussed practice. I think this topic comes up when individuals run into expectations that their bodies should look or function in a certain way (i.e., muscular build, good at sports, able to be viewed as attractive). Students who then find that they don't meet the required standards sometimes seek support to find out what is wrong with them or to learn how they can 'fit in.' It's hard to hear about these experiences as students have often felt that something is lacking in them.

Photo by Man|Made

Body positivity and image are not the main focus of Man|Made, but rather when looking at masculinity, this comes up informally in almost every session. The main themes focus on what a man is supposed to look like, how one qualifies as a man, how do you measure up physically to other men's expectations, and how does your behaviour change based on your appearance or strength. Interestingly, when asked how they view masculinity in the group, they often describe male physical characteristics, financial success, and success with (mostly) female relationships. However, when we ask students to describe a man they admire, these were often people in their lives that showed intimacy, support, tolerance, and excellent listening skills. 

The most interesting topic I find that we cover is how everyone knows that they don't have to look or be viewed in a certain way to be male or masculine. But when they are in groups with peers, there is a hierarchy where those who feel vulnerable or low on their self-image, might point out the physical flaws of those around them.

M: What do you believe body-shaming and body-negativity look like for boys, men and masculine non-binary individuals in Nova Scotia?  

D: Some of the examples that have stuck with me start at a very young age for participants. They have shared early memories in elementary or high school of being told they are too small, too heavy, or not 'fit enough.' Another fascinating example is that almost all group members have shared examples of times they were physically pushed or hurt by others [to] demonstrate hierarchy and physicality. This has left a strong impression of how physical power can lead to status. 

Additionally, participants have shared how they learned about sex or sexual activity through pornography and have wondered why they aren't able to meet the standards that are demonstrated in pornography, and what [that] means about them. There is a disconnect between what male students want to do for themselves and what they push themselves to do to meet standards.  

M: Excellent point. To what extent would you consider negative body image in men to be an issue?

D: I think this becomes an issue (in my group facilitation experience) when negative body image starts to drive male students toward meeting impossible standards. Also, when they do not have supportive people around them who can help [identify] that they are okay with whatever body size, shape, or image they have.

Additionally, having peers that model that it is okay to look however you want or however you are can be so helpful in supporting healthy behaviours and healthy choices.  Man|Made is an incredible resource to have on campus, because it welcomes male-identifying individuals for discussions on subjects similar to the one at hand in a safe environment.

Understanding that body positivity is meant to be an inclusive movement is crucial to its progression. Though men may be less severely affected by body image issues (Hargreaves & Tiggemann 2006), it is important to acknowledge that they are affected nonetheless and act accordingly. I want to conclude with two questions to reflect upon: Whose responsibility is it to ensure that we all feel good inside of our skin as we deserve to? How can we change the way we talk about men's appearance and bodies to allow them to feel liberated from feelings of alienation, insecurity, and contempt?


The interview has been edited for clarity. Special thanks to Daniel Abar for his support.

*Thumbnail picture by Sam Burriss (Unsplashed.com)