Self-Care: Beyond the Hashtag
Written By Meltem Cana Etiz
Thumbnail Photo by Heidi Kaden on Unsplash
Header Photo by Tim Goedhart on Unsplash
Self-care has become a buzzword that is mentioned and used in our everyday conversations without truly understanding what it means. I want to start off by saying that this is not a “how-to” article. Instead, this article examines the importance, popular understanding, benefits, and hardships of the concept we as consumers of social media have created through the #selfcare movement on social media platforms such as Twitter and Instagram.
To begin, I want to explore the meaning of self-care. According to many social media posts and conversations I have had with peers, the concept seems to centre around the idea of taking care of oneself. This might include arguably generous spending habits, pencilling in some time every week for body and mind focused activities (e.g., baths, face masks, meditation) or navigating social relationships (e.g., blocking an ex or a bad friend, spending quality time with loved ones). Now, I would like to point out that these can be beneficial activities and should not be looked at as arbitrary or unnecessary.
That being said, the point I would like to make is that self-care has been popularly defined in an intensely narrow way to exclude any activity or task that does not bring instant gratification. In other words, many people perform self-care on a superficial level. The issue with this understanding is that it suggests that caring for oneself is always joyful and easy. The hard truth is that self-care is not always about pleasure alone. Believe me, I love a productive night of bodily maintenance and meditating after a stressful week. However, waiting for a day of calm, or scheduling relaxation in a pinch, are similar actions to the work-for-the-weekend mindset, but without the certainty of said “weekend.” It helps you get through the workday, but you rarely get to enjoy these moments... Is the solution not focusing on self-care? Absolutely not.
I will argue that expanding our understanding of self-care is necessary for everyone, especially students, to experience the benefits we desire. I also want to point out that considering self-care to be appropriate only for young, childless women is unfair. Men, mothers, fathers, and senior citizens all benefit from taking care of themselves. There is an exclusionary meaning attached to the term self-care, of which I will say: call it whatever you want but don’t leave yourself out.
The expansion I am referring to is one that takes into account our personal needs beyond the surface. These needs will change and develop over time and differ from person to person. There may be times when a “self-care night” of fast food and bingeing Netflix is needed. I’m not saying to deprive yourself of those nights. Instead, I suggest having them be the maraschino cherry to your banana split. Following the metaphor, your “daily self-care” is the ice-cream. There are many simple tasks and chores that are often overlooked that have a substantial impact on the way we live and feel. For instance, making our beds, doing dishes, going for a walk, cooking, calling our loved ones, etc., have a substantial impact on the way we live and feel. Yet, either because of our upbringings, the influence of social media and/or executive dysfunctions, we often have trouble wanting to participate in activities that do not yield an instant dopamine rush.
Executive dysfunction occurs either related to another disorder or traumatic brain injury and makes planning, time management, organization etc. harder to achieve. When struggling with mental illness, merely getting out of bed on any given morning or brushing one’s teeth can be difficult. Executive dysfunction can hinder our ability to schedule a day of self-care or perform the tasks needed for the maintenance of one’s body and mind. To people living with executive dysfunction, a learning disability, or mental illness in general, the idea of a self-care day/night/window is significantly more difficult to achieve.
These are the same individuals who may also face challenges in performing what I would call “daily self-care” tasks like eating healthy, maintaining bodily hygiene and cleaning one’s room. However, it is crucial to keep in mind that a person does not have to have executive dysfunction to struggle with said activities. Many of us have a hard time with this because our understanding of self-care has been separated from what the kids call #adulting. Unfortunately, this separation has left many of us to associate the concept of self-care with pleasure, while thinking of adulthood exclusively as a time of responsibility and stress.
In creating this divide, we have forgotten that self-care is a responsibility as well as the road to pleasure and well-being. The decisions we make toward bettering our bodies, environments and minds are on a micro-scale. As I said, these decisions differ depending on the person. Where one person cleans their kitchen, another might choose to not have another drink. A person who had a long day at work may benefit from a long shower, whereas someone who was in bed all day may benefit from sitting outside. These are all examples of taking care of oneself, and none are invalid. This is what I would suggest expanding our idea of self-care to be. I know that a face mask does very little to stop me from feeling “off” when I am dehydrated or sitting in a cluttered room. Again, the circumstances may be different for you.
In understanding that we are beings that require security, maintenance, nourishment, stimulation, connection, and rest, the idea of fulfilling those needs cannot be constrained to a hashtag. Doing things we really do not want to do (but need to get done) is the foundation of what self-care should be built on. That being said, sometimes you really can’t go by the “shoulds” of life. They bring success but also a lot of expectations and guilt that do not belong in your heart.
I woke up with the sun today and edited this article before work with breakfast, after doing the dishes. Yesterday, I was not able to leave my house without a hangover eclipsing my functionality. There is no right way or perfect day. Care for yourself a little bit every day in whichever ways you deem fit. It makes a difference. If you’ve made it to this point in the article, do us both a favour: go do the thing you need to do for yourself (even if it’s hard). Then go grab that face mask, as a treat.