Starter Tips on Socializing

Written by: Sarah Campbell

@eatingalotofbanana

Photo by: Sarah Campbell using Canva

We are social beings and our society is based on relationships; to succeed in anything, from landing a job to living longer, the ability to talk to people is crucial. Yet, many of us struggle with making conversations happen and forming new connections; either because of the lack of courage or practice.

Socialization is a skill that has to be learned and rehearsed; and since university is a place to widen one’s horizons, explore opportunities and hone one’s identity, you are likely to find like-minded people who also want to better their social skills. University is the perfect place for you to get your social butterfly costume on and get out there to talk!

Here are 4 easy tips to start being a better conversationalist.

1.     Be present.

Be fully engaged with the person you are talking to; they are opening up and sharing something meaningful to them, it is a privilege to be trusted, so listen deeply. If you find it hard to focus, try adopting some of these mindsets: think of them as the most important person in your life or even a celebrity, or just make a mental note not to shift your attention when others walk by when engaging in a conversation.

2.     Listen to understand, not to respond.

Next time you are talking, pay attention to how much you listen for the purpose of responding instead of engaging with the other person. We are often preoccupied with the things we are going to say or the right question to ask next, which prevents us from truly understanding. Maybe it’s because we are afraid of the “awkward silence”, but understand that when you truly listen, questions and conversations will flow.

3.     Be the one who starts the conversation.

Understand that people appreciate being approached, others will often look back at the conversation thinking “They were such a confident, friendly person”. If you have trouble looking for the right thing to talk about, then just try being positive, respectful, genuine and curious about any topic (weather, school, dog, food…), the conversation will spark.

4.     Looking inward.

To be a fun and confident conversationalist, the enthusiastic energy has to come within yourself; you have to be confident in who you are. Try making a list of things that make you energetic, confident, and true to yourself. For example, for me, it would be surrounding myself with positive, loving and inspiring people, completing a nice workout, eating and sleeping well, and being on top of things. Take note of moments in your day when you can make room for these things. Your inner light will be transmitted to the other person in a conversation. 

Lastly, challenge yourself! One way is to join a public speaking club, like the Debate society, or SMU Toastmasters. Another idea is to talk to a stranger each day for a month and reflect on how you could speak better after each conversation. The result will be worth the effort!