Written by Aiman Khan

Good manners never go out of style. Politeness is a great skill to have, not only when going out for dates or making new friends, but also when looking for a job or succeeding in school. We’ve all been taught to mind our manners growing up, but sometimes they’re easy to forget when we are stressed or overwhelmed. We have to remember that our manners can speak about us more than our words do. If you want to master politeness, here is a small guide that will definitely help you.

Speak kindly

How you speak about others says more about you than it says about them. This is why it’s important to remember to always speak well of others, especially in the workplace. While the grapevine can be a great way to gain new information, anything you say could potentially be traced back to you. So, it’s best not to air out negative opinions about your colleagues even if you think it’s well deserved.

Train yourself to see the best in people. When you’re thinking about the bad in someone, try to also identify some of their best qualities. This can not only help you get along with them, but you might also be able to identify potential opportunities you might not have noticed before. It’s also helpful to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. For example, if a friend is always bugging you with texts, it’s easy to dismiss them as clingy or maybe even downright annoying. But they might actually be trying to cope with the stresses of isolation, a break-up, workplace frustrations, or mental health issues. It’s better to try being empathetic and patient even when it seems like a lot of work.
Avoid malicious gossip. Malicious gossip is not only dishonest, but it is also completely unproductive. Talking about people behind their backs will not resolve anything, and is likely to make things worse. If something is bothering you, the best you can do is to speak up and be direct. Not only does it help you build self-confidence, your vocality might inspire other people to be more up-front in the long run. On the flip side, for some people, gossiping can be an easy way to bond with others when you don’t have any mutual interests. So, keeping it to a minimum, and focusing on the good rather than the bad, can go a long way.

Stop being late

It’s not considerate to make people wait for you. No matter how close you are to them, it will always be disrespectful to leave them waiting. Punctuality is a great asset if you want to have stronger relationships, whether in the workplace or when making friends.

Some cultures and regions around the world follow a polychronic time system (versus the generally accepted monochronic system of the West) where more than one thing can be done synchronously, and there isn’t as much focus on the accounting of time. In polychronistic cultures, time is perceived as being more fluid, and people are more likely to accept changes to and interruptions in schedules with more flexibility. There has been heavy media criticism on the concept of ‘African time’ which follows a polychronic system, but it’s not only limited to the African continent and can be found in the Carribeans, Italy, Greece and the South Asian subcontinent. While it’s important to note these cultural differences in how time is perceived, most of Western culture seems to value being punctual and on the dot. Not only are you being mindful of everyone else’s time, you are likely to be more productive as a result.

Be mindful of politics and religion

It’s important to show people a sense of respect, even if you do not agree with their views. For instance, respecting someone’s preferred pronouns is integral, and is the least that we can do. The same goes for politics and religion. Unless you are in a debate or some fundamental discussion on polarizing topics, it’s best not to go around criticizing people for their individual views or trying to argue your case. If your goal is to not enter into divisive arguments, it’s best to respect the differences in people and try to find commonalities, rather than attempting to change their minds.

Don’t forget to stay thank you

Thanking people for the help they offer is essential in building strong relationships, but it’s something we tend to overlook or sideline when we get busy. Make a habit of thanking people if they offer you their help. It doesn’t matter whether they let you use their books or gave you a hand moving your furniture, make sure you let the people in your life know how grateful you are for what they do for you.

Small gifts can be a great way to convey your appreciation. It can be something as small as a coffee, a box of chocolates, a ‘thank you’ card or even a bottle of wine, but it will send the right message to the receiver.

Be the first to help

Saying “thank you” is great, but being willing to help is a much better way to show others that you empathize with them. After all, actions speak louder than words! Don’t be afraid to reach out to people and offer help. This does not apply only for friends and family, but also to strangers. If you see someone struggling to shop for groceries or struggling to park their car, be the first to ask if they need help. Today it’s them, tomorrow it might be you.

Be approachable

Politeness is about leaving arrogance behind and being friendly with those around you. Remember people’s names when you meet them, compliment them, express empathy, ask them questions about themselves and listen actively. You’ll be surprised to find out that most people have great qualities and interesting stories just waiting to be told.Good manners are not just for impressing your friends or your employer. It’s about developing yourself into a more empathetic and considerate human being. Adopting these small gestures of courtesy and goodwill can go a long way in not only furthering yourself, but allowing others the opportunity to learn from you.

Mind Your Manners

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