Sex, Sexuality, and Stereotyping: A Look into Bisexuality and Asexuality

Written by Caitlyn Skelhorn

Thumbnail Photo by Elyssa Fahndrich on Unsplash

 For many students, university is a time to explore, experiment, and have fun. While there are no set “methods” for sexual experimentation, the expectations surrounding queer people and sexual experiences often differ from reality and are full of misconceptions. Many stereotypes surround people of different sexual orientations, including how they think about and experience sex. Have you ever heard someone say a bisexual girl is just looking for attention? Or that an asexual person just hasn’t found the right person? These stereotypes harm how LGBTQ+ people express their sexuality and experience sexual encounters.

A common trope in television and movies is portraying bisexuality and bicuriosity as the same thing. This is not only inaccurate, but it affects people’s perceptions of bisexual people in their lives. Bisexuality is when someone is attracted to people of both sexes, and bicuriosity is an exploration into whether or not someone is attracted to people of both sexes. Bisexual people experience a more stable attraction to both sexes, while bicuriosity tends to be temporary. By using the terms interchangeably, it doesn’t accurately describe a person’s sexual orientation.

Another harmful stereotype bisexual people encounter is the idea that “bisexuality is a phase.” A common biphobic sentiment is that bi girls are straight and looking for attention and bi guys are too afraid to come out as gay. Bisexuality is often seen as a phase by people who don’t understand it. The people who believe this stereotype view a bisexual person spending their life with a partner as “proof” they were either gay or straight all along. This idea invalidates bisexual people’s identities and shows a lack of respect for their sense of self. Another stereotype that can hurt bisexual people is that since they’re attracted to people of both sexes, they would enjoy a threesome. While some bisexual people do enjoy having sex with multiple people, not everyone who does is bisexual. For example, some straight people enjoy having numerous sexual partners. Sexuality and one’s number of sexual partners aren’t related.

Bisexuality is not the only sexuality where people are more familiar with misconceptions and stereotypes than with queer people’s identities; many people are either unfamiliar with, or are misinformed, about asexuality. People who are asexual simply don’t experience sexual attraction – this does not mean they are broken, have a disorder, or are “afraid” of sex. Some asexual people masturbate and have sex; they just don’t experience the attraction most people are familiar with. Television shows commonly depict asexual people as needing to be fixed, or as cold and uncaring. This idea harms asexual people because it implies that asexuality needs to be and can be “fixed” by experimenting sexually and that it is a disorder rather than a valid sexual orientation. It also perpetuates the idea that asexual people don’t have meaningful relationships. Just because a person doesn’t experience sexual attraction doesn’t mean they don’t love people or have romantic relationships; relationships require a lot more than sex to be healthy, meaningful, and long-lasting.

Another stereotype that invalidates an asexual person’s identity, it that if they have sex, they can’t be asexual. Having sex with someone and experiencing sexual attraction towards them are independent events. Having sex with someone doesn’t require sexual attraction, which follows the same principle that you do not have to be in love to have sex. There are many reasons people have sex; just because someone’s reason for having sex isn’t relevant to your life doesn’t mean it’s not valid. Some asexual people don’t have sex, some asexual people have sex because they like how it makes their partner feel, and some asexual people have sex because they like how it makes them feel.

People experience a wide range of feelings, and every one of them is a spectrum. Feelings can be defined in many ways and felt in varying degrees. There is no right or wrong way to feel as long as you respect and don’t invalidate other people’s feelings and identities. It is important not to confuse experimentation and exploration with people’s distinct and real sexual orientations like asexuality and bisexuality. Educating people about the fact that you can be attracted to the opposite sex, the same sex, both sexes, or neither sex is vital for people’s mental health as it reinforces the fact that their identities are real and valid. No matter one’s sexual orientation, stereotypes surrounding bisexuality and asexuality can hurt anyone. Exploring one’s sexuality should be free from others’ misconceptions and be a fun and flexible journey to self-discovery.

Claire Keenan