Life Happens Whether You're Ready Or Not

Written by Michaela Smit

Thumbnail Photo by Aziz Acharki on Unsplash

As a grad student enrolled in a Ph.D. degree, I'm 25 years old now, still young depending on who you ask, but I'm an adult. I have bills to pay and responsibilities I can't ignore, but I often don't feel equipped to handle all of the terms and conditions attached to being over the age of 18. I’m stuck somewhere between working a 9-to-5 for minimum wage and living my best student life. Of course, my feelings of inadequacy aren’t helped when seeing some of my friends getting married and welcoming babies into the world, meanwhile I still don't know what temperature to oven roast chicken at without first calling my mom. That's the thing about time, though, it keeps moving forward, and you age whether you're ready to or not.

I think many people can relate, that throughout life, they've had a picture of what they thought their life would look like at certain ages: but most of the time, that picture doesn't match reality. The older I get, the more I realize that life doesn't progress in neat sequential steps – it is far messier. When I was much younger, I used to think that at age 25 I would be married and working a full-time job, that I would be a "proper" adult. But here I am, still living the student life. The biggest realization of all is that I do not feel like I'm getting left behind, which I thought I would. Instead, I've come to accept that the progression of life looks different for everyone, and we all have our own unique timeline.

The most exciting thing about this revelation is it alleviates the feeling of waiting for life to happen because it's already happening, just maybe not at the expected pace. I've had friends plan an entire wedding and get married while still in grad school. Other friends have welcomed a new baby into their family while the mom is still pursuing her master's degree. I've seen colleagues complete a degree, change their minds, and start an entirely new degree in a different field.

This reflection brought me peace of mind, which I hope to share by writing this article. We shouldn't feel rushed to achieve certain milestones by a certain age. My timeline is my own, and accepting that – and not comparing where I am in life to other people – has been the best thing I have ever done for my mental health. So now, when I see the engagement post on Facebook, the first house picture, or the sonogram, instead of feeling like I’m missing out, I redirect my thoughts to where I am in my journey—living my dream of studying abroad and achieving my Ph.D., learning new things every day through my research, and investing in my future career with postgraduate education. Just because I am dedicated to earning my degree doesn't mean that I can't decide to take another significant step in my personal life if I so choose. We are limited only by the limitations we place on ourselves. So, no matter where you are in life or what you're doing, if you decide at any moment you want to make a life-changing decision, you can.

The biggest lesson I think I have learned is that life can change so quickly that we should cherish every phase of it, no matter how awkward or stressful it seems at the time. Periodically, I catch myself thinking, "as soon as I'm finished studying, I will…" but then I stop myself because I don't want to treat this phase of my life as if I'm in a giant waiting room, passing the time until my number gets called and I can start living my life. So instead, I want to remember to enjoy as much of this time as I can; there is no guarantee that I will reach the next phase, and if I am not appreciating and enjoying the here and now, then what's the point?

I have heard people say they wish they knew it was "the good old days” when they were living them, so why not treat every phase of life as though we'll one day look back fondly on them? Graduate studies have been stressful and demanding, but they have also been some of the best times of my life so far, and I look forward to looking back on these years when I'm old as the "good old days," knowing that I enjoyed and cherished them as much as I could.

Claire Keenan