Written by Gena Dufour

@genakatrina

For a while now, my work email signature has included the usual stuff: name, title, institution and contact information. But it’s also got a line in it that says “Pronouns: She/Her.” Recently, someone asked me why I, a cisgender person, felt the need to include that. Why draw attention to it if I don’t exist outside of the norm? There are actually a few reasons why, but most important to me is the idea of normalizing the use of pronouns, particularly in work environments.

Gender pronouns (i.e., he, she, they, them, his, hers, theirs, etc.) are a hot topic – and they have been for a little while. Depending on who you ask, gender pronouns can be a really important element of someone’s identity. While many people (cisgender people, mostly) take their pronouns for granted and don’t have to spend time thinking about them, there are a number of groups that have to advocate every day to have theirs respected.

Crash Course on Terminology

A cisgender person is someone whose personal identity and gender match that of the sex they were assigned at birth. For instance, I was born a female and identify as a cisgender woman. A transgender person is someone whose personal identity or gender is different from that assigned to them at birth. However, there is also a wide spectrum of people who identify somewhere in the middle. There are a number of terms available to people who don’t identify as either trans or cis, including non-binary, genderqueer, agender, genderfluid, two-spirit, and many, many more. The choice in terminology belongs solely to the person who claims it. The point is, there are lots of people who don’t get to take pronouns for granted.

It’s up to allies, and cisgender allies in particular, to learn to start respecting the pronouns we’re asked to use. If someone tells you they use they/them pronouns, you should practice referring to that person as “them,” because that’s what they asked you to do. If someone you’ve known your whole life as a “she” suddenly starts asking you to refer to them as “he,” you make an effort, and do so. You will almost certainly make mistakes. That’s understandable. Apologize and move on. But being an ally means putting your own comfort second.

Why Stating Pronouns is Important

Trans, non-binary, and other gender non-conforming groups have introduced cisgender people to the practice of stating pronouns during introductions. For someone who has never had to question their pronouns, it’s not always a routine thing to do, and often we need reminding to do it. This just means when you meet someone new, you say something along the lines of “Hi, my name is Gena and I use she/her pronouns.”

For people who are cisgender, this might sometimes feel like stating the obvious. But here’s why it’s important: It’s not for you. And sometimes, it’s important to put cis-privilege to use in some way that actually contributes to equality, instead of overpowering the conversation. So even if introducing the habit of adding pronouns to your “Hello my name is” routine is a little awkward at the beginning, that’s okay. You’ll get used to it. Eventually, normalizing using pronouns every day will make it so that when people who are not cisgender use them, they don’t “stick out” as much.

What this means is if there is a group of ten people introducing themselves, and only one of those people states personal pronouns in their introduction, that person sticks out a bit, inadvertently being spotlighted. They want their pronouns respected, but that doesn’t mean it needs to be obvious to everyone in the room that they are not cisgender. However, if everyone in that room says their pronouns in the introduction, that one person blends right in, and doesn’t need to be isolated.

It’s worth noting though, that some people don’t feel comfortable stating their gender pronouns publicly, and just because you state yours it does not entitle you to everyone else’s. Usually, asking is okay! But if you’re concerned about outing someone, do so in a private environment when possible.

Some people’s internal identity might not exactly match their external presentation (as you perceive it). However, being referred to as the pronoun they feel most comfortable with can go a long way to improving their day, and does very little to inconvenience yours. Plus, it might increase their respect for you, and maybe even their quality of life a bit. When you use someone’s preferred pronouns, you’re acknowledging that you have respect for who they are as a human being. So, if you see someone’s social media has “they/them” on it, you know how to refer to them. It goes beyond “Hi my name is…”. There are lots of other places that we can normalize pasting our pronouns in so that people who don’t identify within traditional binary gender norms don’t have to stick out.

Places to consider adding your pronouns

Work or school email signature

Social media bios (Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, etc)
Business cards
“Hello my name is” tags at events or conferences
Before you do a presentation (e.g., “Hi, my name is Thomas Edison, I use He/Him pronouns, and today I’m going to talk to you about this cool new invention of mine called the lightbulb”)

In sum, if everyone states their pronouns clearly from the start, not only does it reduce the chance that someone ends up being misgendered, but it also lightens the onus for those outside the binary. Inclusion happens slowly, and sometimes in the form of your Twitter bio.

Authors note: Please remember my thoughts are my own, and they come from the perspective of a cisgender woman. Although I am a part of the LGBTQ+ community, I do not (cannot) represent trans, non-binary, or other individuals who do not identify as cisgender and so my opinions may not generalize to everyone in that community.

Normalizing Pronouns: Why Cis-gendered Folks Should Use Personal Pronouns Too

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